Thursday, January 29, 2009
I gots a new digital camera. Hells Yeah. Plus i have another special gift for today. Not only do you get to see my kitty and a still from a old horror film. you also get a script I wrote for a short film. enjoy. PS it is probably better if i read it to you, because it would have better comedic timing.
Stuck between a Bed and a Hard Place
I’m up, I’m up, so you can stop yelling. Yeah you, stop yelling. Man what is this on my shirt and why are you yelling at me. Peter says to himself as he is looking down at his bloody hands and side and then the bed, the whole scene unfolds on to him like waking up after a bad dream. There is blood everywhere and the bed is flipped on its side and propped up with a two by four. “What the fuck Peter? What the hell were you doing?” Patty says quite confused and angered.
“Um, I guess…”
“Yeah keep guessing that’ll clean this shit up.”
“Oh my god, what the fuck happened to my room!” Frank yells from across the hall.
Patty and Peter go into his room and the scene opens up like a bad case of deja vu, there is blood everywhere and the bed is flipped up on its side. Frank and Patty look over at Peter who is holding a two by four and is bleeding, a lot. “Do you have a head wound?” asks Frank.
“What the fuck?” says Patty to Peter.
“I . . think . .I . . forgot to brush my teeth, yes.” Peter turns around and walks out of the room. “What?” read across both Frank and Patty's face. Peter starts brushing his teeth and taking his clothes off to get into the shower, both Patty and Frank follow him into the bathroom. “I think your head wound made you retarded Peter, not that you haven’t always been special.” Peter turns on the shower and gets in and starts to wash his hair. “Peter could you tell us what the hell is going on?” Patty pleads with him.
“Should you be in a hospital right now?” says Frank.
“I think he’ll be fine.” Patty says to Frank “Right now I want to know why there’s blood everywhere and my bed’s all fucked up.”
“Well..” says Peter.
“Oh this better be good.”
“I was eating at this new restaurant in town, and I ordered a cheeseburger and fries but I forgot to get a drink. So I got back up and while I was walking up to the counter this person stands up in front of me holding his throat. The man’s face was turning colors and people around me started losing it. The man was choking, and I immediately knew what to do so I started giving him the Heimlich maneuver, but the man would not stop choking on the piece of food that was stuck in his throat. “I need a knife and a pen I yelled to the growing crowd around me.” I then proceeded on performing a tracheotomy right there in the restaurant. I made an incision in the man’s throat and then tore the top and bottom off the pen and plunged it into the incision creating an…..”
“Hold it. Hold up. That’s an episode of ER,” exclaims Patty.
“Oh yeah, that’s an episode of ER.”
“Yeah that totally is an episode of ER, great show.” Says Frank
“Totally great show,” agrees Peter.
“Guys seriously? What really happened Peter?” says Patty
“Oh wait, the restaurant was part of a grocery store and I was on my way out after seeing a man talking about choking and….”
Peter gets a little fuzzy on this part because on his way out of the grocery store Peter was stuck by a car, but due to his concussion He doesn’t quite remember it clearly. “I must have forgotten something because I went back into the grocery store.” Peter wandered back in after the accident and didn’t hear the store clerk asking him if he was OK. He proceeded, dazed, across the store and through the isles until he heard what he thought to be a box of Wheaties trying to tell him something. “Psst, hey dude, come over here.”
“What?” says the bleeding and confused head trauma victim. “How did you get so small and stuck in that box?”
“Its easy man, I’m rich, and you can do it too. It all has to do with your REM cycle man.”
“How you sleep, man it’s easy.”
Peter then sees himself putting his bed into position and sees his dreams come true. “That is fucked, man,” says Frank.
“Yeah I have no idea how I’m supposed to take that,” complains Patty.
“So do you think that Daryl Strawberry actually sleeps like that?” says Frank.
“Well I’m assuming so,” Peter replies.
“I hate you guys” Patty says as she leaves the bathroom.